Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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