He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
