i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
