I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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