Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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