I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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