when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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