I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
