if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
