i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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