Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
pray to the hookup gods
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
