Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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