I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are a booty call, not a friend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
