And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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