How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
