Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
