Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
