Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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