i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
