On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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