can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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