Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
