I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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