Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm too high and old for this...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
