Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
