People in love make me want to vomit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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