I need to stop coming to work sober
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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