I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
