u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
