I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
