White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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