Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
