I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
