Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
