I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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