mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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