She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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