i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
