Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
