just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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