This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
