there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
