Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can't motorboat a personality
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
