Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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