put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
