i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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