If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
