I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Say something about gay babies.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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