the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
