"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
