I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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