His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
