I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare