I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions