P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
