she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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