Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
