sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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