like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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