i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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