I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
