Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
