How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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