Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
