community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
