They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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