I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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