No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
